SW Mad Libs

These are so awesome...you bloggers are too funny! I inserted each contributor's answers right into the story (a child's letter to Wampa Claws) so you can easily read each in context. Enjoy, my Forceful friends!


Dear Wampa Claws,

I have been a very good starship this year. I have been a green student at the Blue Milk Academy and even helped my auntie with the planets after dinner. That wasn't fun, but I never even propositioned! Because I have been so manly, can I please have a new lightsaber for Balanced Force Day? I would also like some equipment so I can spy on Luke and learn all of his handsome secrets. Oh, and can you also bring me a landspeeder? I have wanted one my whole life! Wampa Claws, I know deep down in my left pinky finger you will bring me all of these hairy presents and put them in my pants on Balanced Force Day. I have a feeling this is going to be the most glowing BFD yet!

Love,
GalacticBabe


Dear Wampa Claws,

I have been a very good lightsaber this year. I have been a big student at the Bantha Poodoo Academy and even helped my auntie with the ducks after dinner. That wasn't fun, but I never even flew! Because I have been so scruffy-looking, can I please have a new starship for Balanced Force Day? I would also like some equipment so I can spy on Padmeand learn all of her beautiful secrets. Oh, and can you also bring me a thermal detonator? I have wanted one my whole life! Wampa Claws, I know deep down in my legyou will bring me all of these evil presents and put them in my underpants on Balanced Force Day. I have a feeling this is going to be the craziest BFD yet!

Love,
Jedi_iain


Dear Wampa Claws,

I have been a very good lightsaber this year. I have been a slimy student at the Tunic Academy and even helped my auntie with the training droids after dinner. That wasn't fun, but I never even sensed! Because I have been so steamy, can I please have a new planet for Balanced Force Day? I would also like some equipment so I can spy on Jabba the Hutt and learn all of his pale secrets. Oh, and can you also bring me a starfighter? I have wanted one my whole life! Wampa Claws, I know deep down in my hand you will bring me all of these hard presents and put them in my armor on Balanced Force Day. I have a feeling this is going to be the smartest BFD yet!

Love,
MO2YP



Dear Wampa Claws,

I have been a very good meerkat this year. I have been a sloppy student at the Sandcrawler Academy and even helped my auntie with the marshmallows after dinner. That wasn't fun, but I never even sprained! Because I have been so angry, can I please have a new feather duster for Balanced Force Day? I would also like some equipment so I can spy on R2D2 and learn all of his moist secrets. Oh, and can you also bring me a mouse trap? I have wanted one my whole life! Wampa Claws, I know deep down in my nostril you will bring me all of these furtive presents and put them in my thong on Balanced Force Day. I have a feeling this is going to be the most salacious BFD yet!

Love,
Nob01


Dear Wampa Claws,

I have been a very good space ship this year. I have been a luminous student at the Princess Academy and even helped my auntie with the lightsabers after dinner. That wasn't fun, but I never even darted! Because I have been so breathtaking, can I please have a new droid for Balanced Force Day? I would also like some equipment so I can spy on Luke Skywalker and learn all of his slithering secrets. Oh, and can you also bring me a cantina? I have wanted one my whole life! Wampa Claws, I know deep down in my left arm you will bring me all of these gargantuan presents and put them in my ceremonial robes on Balanced Force Day. I have a feeling this is going to be the most aquamarine BFD yet!

Love,
Jedi Melinda


Dear Wampa Claws,

I have been a very good scoundrel this year. I have been a dreamy student at the Ventilator Shaft Academy and even helped my auntie with the droids after dinner. That wasn't fun, but I never even slid! Because I have been so hairy, can I please have a new Wookiee for Balanced Force Day? I would also like some equipment so I can spy on Han Solo and learn all of his gorgeous secrets. Oh, and can you also bring me a hydrospanner? I have wanted one my whole life! Wampa Claws, I know deep down in my chest you will bring me all of these tough presents and put them in my pants on Balanced Force Day. I have a feeling this is going to be the most suave BFD yet!

Love,
Hansgirl


Dear Wampa Claws,

I have been a very good stapler this year. I have been a windy student at the Vodka Academy and even helped my auntie with the employees after dinner. That wasn't fun, but I never even yawned! Because I have been so shiny, can I please have a new tree for Balanced Force Day? I would also like some equipment so I can spy on Stephen Colbert and learn all of his purple secrets. Oh, and can you also bring me a firefly? I have wanted one my whole life! Wampa Claws, I know deep down in my neck you will bring me all of these beefy presents and put them in my leg warmers on Balanced Force Day. I have a feeling this is going to be the moistest BFD yet!

Love,
Kenobi-Fan


Dear Wampa Claws,

I have been a very good present this year. I have been a wooly student at the Comlink Academy and even helped my auntie with the Jedi robes after dinner. That wasn't fun, but I never even pretended! Because I have been so starry, can I please have a new japor snippet for Balanced Force Day? I would also like some equipment so I can spy on a bantha and learn all of his hunky secrets. Oh, and can you also bring me a temple? I have wanted one my whole life! Wampa Claws, I know deep down in my earlobe you will bring me all of these abnoxious presents and put them in my missing left sock on Balanced Force Day. I have a feeling this is going to be the whiniest BFD yet!

Love,
GalacticBabe (again, hehe!)


Dear Wampa Claws,

I have been a very good sock this year. I have been a hairy student at the Bith Academy and even helped my auntie with the cards after dinner. That wasn't fun, but I never even opened! Because I have been so holy, can I please have a new clue for Balanced Force Day? I would also like some equipment so I can spy on Jar-Jar and learn all of his scary secrets. Oh, and can you also bring me some fireworks? I have wanted some my whole life! Wampa Claws, I know deep down in my nostril you will bring me all of these dark presents and put them in my flip flop on Balanced Force Day. I have a feeling this is going to be the most electronic BFD yet!

Love,
Merryman-Lyon


Dear Wampa Claws,

I have been a very good floor this year. I have been an intense student at the Blue Academy and even helped my auntie with the eyes after dinner. That wasn't fun, but I never even gazed! Because I have been so powerful, can I please have a new man for Balanced Force Day? I would also like some equipment so I can spy on Anakin and learn all of his waivy secrets. Oh, and can you also bring me some hair? I have wanted some my whole life! Wampa Claws, I know deep down in my mechanical hand you will bring me all of these soft presents and put them in my Jedi robe on Balanced Force Day. I have a feeling this is going to be the steamiest BFD yet!

Love,
Padmeskywalker77


THANKS to all who participated!!! I got a number of good laughs out of these and I hope you did too!

BFD Caroling Party

*I'm going to be safe and put these disclaimers everywhere* I love and respect Christmas. These parodies are just for fun and are in no way meant to offend or disrespect! Thanks for understanding!

HAPPY BALANCED FORCE DAY EVERYBODY!!!! Here are some little ditties I discovered floating around in various GFFA archives. If you are reading this, you have to PROMISE me you'll sing along. Promise? Seriously, sing along!

O LITTLE TOWN OF CORUSCANT

O little town of Coruscant
How high we see thee rise!
Within thy streets and past good eats
A billion transports go by
Yet in thy temple rageth
The once-great Jedi Knight
Though all seems sad, this troubled dad
Will one day see the Light


THE 12 DAYS OF BALANCED FORCE
(Yep, you have to start at the beginning and sing the WHOLE thing!)

On the first day of Balanced Force my Jedi gave to me

A moon full of Death Star debris

2 toasted Sith
3 Force-ghosts
4 Bothan spies
5 Goldenrods!
6 Biths jizz whailin’
7 Mon Cals swimming
8 Scoundrels smuggling
9 Twi’leks dancing
10 Ewoks annoying
11 Moffs a-blasting
12 Rebels a-cheering


O COME, ALL YE FORCEFUL

O come, all ye Forceful,
Wayward and rebellious
O come ye, o come ye to Endor’s moon
Come, plot against him:
Evil, Sithy Palpatine

O come let us destroy him,
O come let us destroy him,
O come let us destroy him,
Palps the Sith

Sing tribes of Ewoks
Sing in celebration
O sing, all ye furry creatures up in the trees
Yub nub, yub nu-ub
Yub nub yub nub, yu-ub nub

O come let us destroy him,
O come let us destroy him,
O come let us destroy him,
Palps the Sith

Vader, we greet thee
Re-born this happy evening
Luke, to thee be all credit giv’n
Annie, your father,
Now a Force-ghost appearing

O come let us destroy him,
O come let us destroy him,
O come let us destroy him,
Palps the Sith


PALPY THE SITHMAN

Palpy the sithman
Was a miserable soul
With a wrinkled face and some yellow eyes
And a smile for when heads roll

Palpy the sithman
Wouldn’t stand for Rebels few
When they became irate, he’d retaliate
With a Death Star weapon or two

There must have been some Dark Side in his midicholrians
But who’d have thought Vader’s stork had brought
A set of Jedi twins?

Palpy the sithman
Was alive as he could be
Though his ugly face (thanks be to Mace)
Looked worse than death to me

Mwuahaha ha ha
Mwuahaha ha ha
Look at Palpy go!
Zippity zap zop
Zippity zap zop
Shooting his lightning so!

Palpy the sithman
Knew the Rebels were mad that day
So he said, “Hey Luke,
Look what I can nuke!
Go ahead and fire away.”

Thank the Maker there was short help on that Endorian Moon
And when Vader turned back to the Light,
Palps was singin’ a different choon

Palpy the sithman
Wasn’t nice, even when he laughed
And it was no myth,
He was full of Sith
‘Til he finally got the shaft!


Yay! Thanks for singing with me! (You better go drink some water...)

Happy HANukkah!

*disclaimer* Again, this in NO WAY is meant to degrade Hanukkah and all its wonderful traditions. I have a great respect for this holiday!

OK, with that said...these are for YOU, Hansgirl! Enjoy!!!

I HAVE A LITTLE FALCON

I have a little Falcon
I fixed her up myself
The hyperdrive is really fast
See the trophies on the shelf?

Oh, Falcon, Falcon, Falcon
I fixed her on my own
The hyperdrive is really fast
Her records are well known!

She has no lovely body
But I don’t mind at all
She’s got it where it counts, you know
And Leia’s hot, if you recall

(Chorus)

My Falcon’s sometimes moody
But the problems aren’t that bad
Still, if you ever fly her
You might just go to PLAID

(Chorus


I’LL BE HOME FOR LIFE DAY (Sung by Chewie)

I’ll be home for Life Day
You can count on me
Please have stew, and “Bantha Surprise” too
And presents up in a tree

Life Day Eve may find me
Caught in Imperial fire
But I’ll be home for Life Day
‘Cause Han is one great flyer

(And he’s super hot!! But that didn’t fit in the song…)


And this one (sung by Han while on Hoth!) was sent my way by the amazing Rogueish:

LET IT SNOW

Oh the Tauntaun smell is frightful
But Princess, you look so delightful
And since we've no place to go
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

It doesn't show signs of stopping
'Cause the death mark on me is so shocking
I wish you and I could just, you know
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

When we finally kiss goodnight
How I'll hate patrolling out in the storm!
But if you'll really hold me tight
All the way home I'll be warm

I'll pay Jabba or I'll be dying
And my dear, that's why I'm goodbying
But as long as you love me so
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!


Brilliant! Happy HANukkah!

The Grand Admiral's Adventure

This incredible (and true!) story comes from the one, the only: Grand Admiral Sean. I cannot take credit for such beautiful writing, but can I take credit for posting it? Maybe just a little? There ya go. Show the Princess some linkin' love.

JP's rambling ends now:

Remember Halloween as a child? What magical moments. One day of the year, it was acceptable to be someone else, to envelope yourself totally in another persona. Of course, such have always been high priorities among us Star Wars fans; we live, to resort to the most abominable of all clichés, with our heads in the clouds.

Do you remember swinging your plastic lightsaber merrily as you giggled your way down the lamplit streets? Or snatching goodies from pumpkin-shaped bowls at the school parties, squawking from under your rubber Yoda mask, “Mine, or help you I will not!” Perhaps, if you were lucky enough, there were other fans at your school: instant comrades with whom you could spar or exchange movie dialogue or simply play-act.

It strikes me as profoundly important to wear my Star Wars allegiance on my sleeve. Without our peculiarities and passions, we are no more than droids. And so I diligently parade my costumes (courtesy of my mother’s spectacular sewing), strutting past disbelieving peers. I harbor the suspicion that they’re really just jealous of the fun I have.

This year, I was Cade Skywalker of Dark Horse’s Legacy; the year before that, Rebecca Moesta’s Anakin Solo. Two years ago, I played master tactician Grand Admiral Thrawn. Yes, that’s right, blue skin and all. Ah, Thrawn! I got more than the usual utility out of that costume: months after the sweet hours of Halloween, I assumed the same Chiss identity at Celebration III. Those who recognized Thrawn immediately fawned over me; those who did not were nevertheless impressed. Women, in particular, seemed quite enamored with the good Admiral. I’m told it has something to do with his brainpower, but I maintain that girls just dig men in blue.

From the humble, nerdy beginnings of our beloved fandom, make-believe has been the loftiest of ideals. Halloween is merely the single day on which our activities become more mainstream. As a recent Bantha Tracks so felicitously phrased it, no-one does Halloween like Star Wars fans do Halloween. Perhaps the old myths are true: perhaps All Hallow’s Eve is the night on which a conduit to the spirit realm yawns wide to admit otherworldly beings -- or, at the very least, extragalactic beings. I can’t say I support such occult notions, but, simultaneously, I recognize that our mundane, little Earth could do with an infusion of Star Wars characters.

Observe the world of Star Wars costuming, whether on October thirty-first or at conventions around the world: the wondering eyes of children blaze as though with hordes of fireflies while stormtroopers march casually past; habitually shy geeks are suddenly united in energetic laser-duels. Aliens commune with men. And, though they hide their grudging smiles behind wrinkled hands, the elderly, too, cannot help but be swept up by the enchantment of it all.

The Friday afternoon of Celebration III, I retired to a small Cracker Barrel, weary and slightly indisposed from the blue paint that plugged my pores (note to self: the words ‘certified nontoxic’ do not disqualify the ability of makeup to cause nausea after three consecutive days of copious application). Despite my sickness, I amused myself by making faces at the little girls who ducked shyly from behind their mother’s legs, stared goo-goo-eyed at Thrawn, and soon retreated with manic titters. One young mother endeavored futilely to explain the concept of a convention to her daughter: “It’s like dress-up for adults, dear. Or like Halloween. Yes, it’s like Halloween early!” How right she was.

As I waited in line behind a wooden barrel of toys and candy, I noticed a hobbling, bespectacled, old couple staring openly at my extraterrestrial attire. Judgmental attention eventually becomes wearying. Against my better judgment, I approached the pair, announcing, “Hello, I’m with the Smurf Liberation Front. May I offer you a pamphlet?” Of course, in possession of my better judgment, I probably would not have been visiting a Cracker Barrel while violently ill. In any case, silence as dense as whipping cream clogged the air for several minutes. Finally, the old man dragged his wife away protectively by the arm, muttering something about having already donated that year.

Was that the end of a bad encounter? To my extreme shock, no. In an event which would have stretched the predictive abilities of Thrawn himself to foresee, the old man approached me at my table. He was, he said, apologizing for his earlier behavior. He had dealt with “those NASCAR people” frequently, but never before had he encountered an azure alien in this family eating establishment. I shook his hand, assuring him that no contribution to the Liberation Front was necessary. I exited into the stormy night feeling much better, despite the bacon cheeseburger that roiled in my stomach.

So, do Star Wars costumes promote acceptance? Will they be an agent in the spread of world peace? Doubtful on both accounts. What, then, is The Point of embarrassing oneself by marching around in an epauleted Cossack’s uniform?

There is a growing movement in American fantasy which decries escapism as a sin. Why, it is argued, should readers sequester themselves in comfortable literature while the world suffers? Proponents of this cause offer a less appealing but allegedly more ethical alternative: they insist fantasy should be as dark and brutal as possible, an abrasive rather than soothing influence. It goes without saying that boisterous conventions are frowned upon by this crowd. Halloween, alas, has become a collateral casualty of their battles to mature the imagination. But, truly, is it improper for fans to become absorbed in the wondrous world of Lucas?

Here is my response to such cynics: I do not peruse escapist fantasy to escape the responsibilities and tribulations of reality, nor do I act out fictional personas to hide from my emotional life. Rather, I love Star Wars, I wear Star Wars, because it is refuge from the sheer, bloody-minded boringness of Earth. That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate sorrow. On the contrary, my most favorite episodes of the Saga deal the most heavily with ethics under fire: Return of the Jedi follows the violent struggles of a fragmented family, while Revenge of the Sith ends with the holocaustic extermination of the Jedi Order. Yet Star Wars maintains the candescent perpetual flame of hope. Observing tragedy through the lens of an otherwise entertaining film, I see more fully the importance of a moral life. Captivated by Yoda’s warning, I, like young Luke, am wary of the dark side. Absorption into a fantasy universe is ultimately a cathartic experience: though I may rely upon the Galaxy Far, Far Away as a cozy comfort blanket, it nevertheless provides a stable ground upon which I may build my ethical beliefs. To use a chemical metaphor, crystals never form except on existing surfaces. Similarly, when the characters I know and love face hardship, I am righteously incensed. What is a higher ideal than to hate evil and love good?

Two thousand years ago, the Apostle Paul wrote, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” I acknowledge the dreadful woes of the world, and, insofar as is possible, I strive to alleviate them. But I fixate on that which is beautiful. Hence my devotion to Star Wars. Hence my shameless saunter as, clad in the wintry garb of a Grand Admiral, I salute awestruck children. You see, imagination numbers among the greatest gifts granted us by the Divine. Remember that the next time you pull on your robes for a frigid night of Trick-or-Treating.

Thanks so much Admiral!!! (Sorry for the lack of underlines, BTW. I couldn't figure out how to do it! I know how much you hate italics, but that was the best I could do.) :D

I happen to like nice men...

But YOU! You are not a nice man! You are, in fact, a nerfherder! (Yep, that's what I said.)

Anway...I don't really have anything to say. This is sort of a test entry.